12/14 is the anniversary both of the night my family used to always put up (*and decorate ...) the tree, and the first date Mr. X and I ever had. Last night would have commemorated 48 Christmases between my parents, and was nine for their daughter.
Last night, I got as far as bringing the tree up, putting it together, and shaping the branches a bit. This evening, I've gotten it lit. Something like eight strings of LED lights still doesn't illuminate like the old fashioned big bulbs - but it is a pretty, bright sight. I've brought dad's ashes in to sit with me.
And now, it's time ... to pull out some of the ornaments we used to have as a family ... to hang the ones given me by friends, neighbors, coworkers, employers ... to choose where the bell will go so it can chime when Siddy brushes by - and hang the glittery Santa ball near a light so it will glimmer. To breathe. To change this house. To think of Christmas.
To be alone. And think of nights that would have been ... unimaginable.
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2 comments:
Awwww, well done, but sad! :(
Like the part about the ornaments - takes us such a loong time to do that, since we must go trippin' to memory lane, since most all were given to us. ;)
Thank you, my friend.
It's a funny thing - some of the posts which turn out to be the saddest ones really aren't written feeling especially low. I just look at the way life's gone sometimes, and marvel. It would never have been my choice for it to be as it is - and yet, now, I can't really imagine exchanging what it is for ANYTHING else. I made my choices and don't spend my time regretting them ...
It's just, sometimes, it'd be nice if Siddy were getting even more pettin's than just from me. :)
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